The Ramblings of Smokey The Antoine Bear
by hitomichu
Summary: Now with minor swearing. First Heihachi, now Ultimecia. Who will the subject of Smokies ramblings be next? I don't know. (Heck, even he don't know)
1. Default Chapter

**Totally random, I just wrote what Antoine told me to. Hehe, good for a laugh.  
  
The Ramblings of Smokey The Antoine Bear  
  
Heihachi throws Kazuya into a volcano, 20 years later, Kazuya comes to Heihachis office. "Hey, Heihachi, you, me, hell in a cell match-"  
  
Fsssshhhhhh........  
  
"Hey, where'd Heihachi go?" Kazuya asks.  
  
Then Heihachi is in his mansion and Jin walks up to him, and says "Hey Heihachi, I'm here to kick your-"  
  
Fffsssssshhhhhhhh..............  
  
"Damn, were did Heihachi go?" Jin demands.  
  
Then, Heihachi is in the mountains now and Ogre comes up to him. "Hey, I'm gonna steal your-"  
  
Fffsssshhhhhhhhhh...........  
  
Then, Kazuya turns into devil and finds Heihachi back at his office and goes "Guess what dad? I'm gonna kick your-"  
  
FFFFFSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Then, Kazuya finds him by the volcano and throws Heihachi in. Heihachi goes, "Help me! Somebody!"  
  
Then Bill Gates comes on a jet pack and says, "I'll help you Heihachi!"  
  
"Wait a minute, bill, did you make this jet pack?"  
  
"Yes," Bill states  
  
Then Heihachi goes "Well I'll be damned...." He puts a blindfold over his eyes and then suddenly the jet pack stalls and Heihachi goes "AGAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute, I know instant transmission!" And he teleports away.  
  
"Wait a minute, you cant leave me!" Bill yells  
  
Heihachi goes "The hell I can't!"  
  
Bill gates falls into the volcano and dies, and everyone is happy. Then everyone throws their Xboxes into the volcano too. And the world was a happy place.  
  
The end.  
  
"A TUNA FISH CAN FOR $500! THAT'S A GOOD DEAL!" 


	2. Will ultimecia ever catch a break???

OK, this is something my friend came up with. He don't know I'm posting this as the next chapter of his fic, yet, but he will soon enough. I sorta share space with a few unregistered authors, such as my fic buddy Sephiroth and now Smokey the Antoine bear. This is a conversation we had one day while playing Final Fantasy 8, just in story form.  
  
Warning: OOCness, for the sake of humor, plus I just don't like Ultimecia, random insanity, and made up GFs. Special guest appearance and just plain insane. Enjoy!  
  
The fight of a lifetime  
  
Squall and his party stood before Ultimecia, staring her down. She looked to be the toughest person alive, and Squall was unsure just how they would defeat her.  
  
"Bah, she's a pushover! Watch!" Zell boasted. He ran up to her and kicked her, making her yell and curse insanely.  
  
"That's it! Now I sick my pet on you! Griever! Maul em!"  
  
Griever popped out of the ground, roaring and looking down on the three. Squall, Zell, and Irvine looked a little more wary.  
  
Irvine started out and shot him in the foot. Suddenly griever fell on the floor and started tapping. "Oh God, the pain!" It screeched.  
  
Squall looked at it, confused. "that was just one little gunshot!"  
  
"Guns taste like Pajamas!" Griever cried.  
  
Fffffffffffffffffffsssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................... .  
  
Ultimecia looked pissed. "Jeez, fine! I'll junction myself to Griever, then you're gonna be sorry!" She suddenly leaped forward and slammed into Griever, junctioning to him. The fight lasted a couple of rounds before She started tapping out.  
  
"Wait a second, I remember where I saw you!" Squall said. "Didn't you lose to X-Pac?"  
  
"That match never took place!" She said, irritated.  
  
"Sure it did, we have documented proof!" Zell ran offstage, grabbed a tape and VCR, then ran back and they all watched. X-Pac tapped her on the shoulder and she fell over crying, "Oh, my back! Dear Hyne! Why is my spine in my kidney?"  
  
Everyone laughed at Ultimecia and she grew even angrier. "Fine! Let's see how you deal with my ultimate form!" She transformed into her final form and used Hells judgment. "Hahahahaha! 1 HP each! It will be simple to crush you all now!"  
  
Irvine stepped forward. "Megalixer!"  
  
Ultimecia looked sad. "D'oh..."  
  
Zell ran forward and once again hit her, only to have her collapse on the floor.  
  
'Is she..... why did....." Squall began. "Why the hell does she have a broken leg when Zell punched her in the face?"  
  
Suddenly she turned back into her normal self, majorly pissed. "That's it! Call out X-Pac! I want a rematch!"  
  
X-Pac came out, looking around. He saw Ultimecia and smirked. "hey, you're the one I beat in the once-in-a lifetime, tag team hell in a cell match!"  
  
"I didn't have a tag team partner." Ultimecia lied.  
  
"Yeah you did, that weird ass Greasemonkey, or whatever." X-Pac told her.  
  
"The name is Griever, and I only lost cuz I was her tag team partner!" griever roared.  
  
"Yeah, well I want a rematch. Right now!" Ultimecia said.  
  
"OK," X-Pac punched her in the eye and she fell on her face, holding her stomach.  
  
"Oh my God, my spleen! I think I ruptured something!" She yelled.  
  
Ffffffffffffffsssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................  
  
Suddenly X-Pac disappeared and reappeared behind her, snickering.  
  
"How the................... HELL did you do that?" Zell demanded.  
  
"I know instant transmission." X-Pac answered.  
  
"No one knows instant transmission! How did you figure it out?" Squall said, confused.  
  
"I junctioned chicken...." He replied.  
  
Fffffffffffffffffffffssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................... ......  
  
Zell looks at him. "How the hell did you junction chicken? It's not even a GF!"  
  
X-Pac starts, "It all began when I joined DX in 1992-"  
  
Suddenly, unable to stand it, Griever kills himself, screaming in horrible agony.  
  
"Damn...." Ultimecia says. "There goes my tag team partner..."  
  
All of a sudden, Ultimecia and X-Pac start to fight. She used Hell Judgment on him, leaving him at 1 HP. Then X-Pac beats her up and starts chuckling. Being that Ultimecia can't stand the laughter, Ultimecia beats the hell out of him and yoinks his light-heavyweight title.  
  
"I finally won!" Ultimecia boasts. "I did it!"  
  
Then X-Pac says, "No the hell you didn't."  
  
Ultimecia runs away, and says, "At least I got the light hea. ... what the hell...."  
  
All of a sudden a voice comes out of no where says, "Mmm, chicken!" and all of a sudden 999999 appears on the screen and Ultimecia faints.  
  
"No, defeated again!" She mutters as she goes out. "And what the hell is $5 doing in my pocket? and what's the tuna fish can doing in my left hand?"  
  
Then, X-Pac says, "A gift," and disappears.  
  
Ffffffffffffffsssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh............................  
  
Then everyone goes, "NWO BEATDOWN!" And they all start to beat the shit out of Ultimecia as the NWO music starts playing.  
  
The end!!!!!  
  
Or is it?  
  
X-Pac: Until the next hell in a cell match!  
  
Ultimecia: I know I'll beat you then!  
  
Hitomi: Uhhhhh.... huh....  
  
X-Pac: I'll sell you this can of tuna for 5000000 bucks, Ultimecia!  
  
Ultimecia: Oh boy! *Forks over money and takes the can.* Wait a second, there's not tuna fish in here.....  
  
Ffffffffffffffffsssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh..................  
  
X-Pac vanishes without a trace with the money.  
  
Hitomi: Well I'll be damned.... The powerofchicken.  
  
Ultimecia: Iwhowhaishbish............  
  
Ishbish: *comes in* what the hell! Besmirch my name! That's it! Hell in a cell match!  
  
Ultimecia: But... I just lost..... *Ishbish jumps her and gives her a magical beatdown*  
  
Seifer: *Runs in* NWO BEATDOWN! *Everyone beats her ass again*  
  
Smokey the Antoine Bear: *Runs in* Kids, Live and let live! *Beats the shit out of ultimecia*  
  
Then everyone but Ultimecia has learned instant transmission.  
  
The end!! (for real this time ^_^) 


End file.
